Living my Life

My way

I really should call him…

We have to get together…

I feel guilty for not inviting them over…

WAIT!

Why do I have to call him?

Why do I have to initiate the plans?

I’ve never been invited over!

Why does someone feel the need to actually make you feel guilty for their inability to  take action? When they are in the wrong, why do they turn it around on you? I’m tired of people making you feel this way. The guilt you put on youself for not being able to make everybody happy is exhausting. How can someone else make you feel like such a failure in life because you’re not acting or doing what they want you to do? Is it their goal to tear you down because you’re happy and they aren’t? If you aren’t included, maybe there is a reason.

There are friends and family members that go months and even years before seeing each other and they don’t make each other feel that way. That’s unconditional love or friendship.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you clearly know you are in the right, but they make you doubt yourself? They know what they are doing wrong, or maybe they don’t. The only thing that makes them feel better is making you feel worse. They’ll call you names, give you the silent treatment, shut you out, and make you feel like you have no right to be thinking of yourself or your happiness. “You’re selfish”, they’ll say. You’ll start to believe them and wonder what’s wrong with you.

I’m Selfish? I should be doing more.

Am I selfish? I thought I was doing all I could. I would like to have some time for the things I want, but I guess I should be trying harder to make others happy and trying to fix their lives.

I think I might be selfish. I’m finally making the choices I want and doing the things I want.

You know what…

I’M SELFISH!

I deserve to be happy, to have it all, to put myself first. There are things I’ve been through, lives I’ve lived, relationships I’ve survived, and things I’ll never share with anyone. Nobody knows what another person is experiencing or where they might be in their life, or what they can or cannot take on at that moment. This is my one and only life, and my time is getting shorter and shorter. I don’t want to take life for granted. If there is something I want, I’m gonna go for it!

People, live your lives with no apology! Don’t let anyone make you feel less than you are. If you feel it in your heart and bones that someone is wrong, believe it. Be happy, know you can do it all, with no apologies.

JUST BE YOU!

 

File_000

Don’t Underestimate Me

Do you ever feel invisible?

Do you think if you weren’t there nobody would notice?

When I was little, people would ask my mom, “Why is she so quiet, doesn’t she ever talk?” Besides being shy and uncertain of myself, I just didn’t see the problem. I liked to watch and take it all in, process it and come out all knowing. I understood more than most at that age and had life experiences unlike any of my friends, kinda an old soul.

Never wanting to cause anyone a problem or inconvenience, I learned to stay out of the way. Being very independent, introverted and stubborn, made me learn a lot on my own.

I can’t say much of that has changed these days, I just have a different understanding of myself. I know that I don’t verbalize very well. If put on the spot, I’ll either spew out stupidness, agree and be a people pleaser or totally attack the very fiber of your being. All of which I will replay over and over in my head, until I fix it somehow.

People, I need to process!

Let me think for a minute so I can give you an intelligent answer or so I can even figure out how I’m feeling. There is nothing wrong with saying, “Let me get back to you on that.” or “Give me a minute.” I’m definitely a much better writer, grammar and punctuation aside. I can just explain myself and really get my point across, better than a direct conversation.

The ones that know me the best, know that I have plenty to say. They know that there’s not much I miss and they know that I can and will accomplish anything I set my mind to. If I haven’t done it by now, then it’s not a priority on my list.

Accepting and realizing how you are built makes you realize there is nothing wrong with you, we all work differently. Adapt yourself to what you are good at and you will excel and have a happier successful life.

In my head, if  you aren’t acknowledged or you feel invisible take it to mean…

You’re not a troublemaker.
You get the job done.
You don’t need to be hand-held.
You’re a peacekeeper.
People like you.

All good qualities!

IMG_0021